Being a Prudent, Insightful Woman
“A foolish son is destruction to his father, and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.
House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a wife who has insight is from Yahweh.” (Proverb 19:13-14, LSB)
I was one of the first of my friends to get married. My marriage is still young– we celebrated six years this June– but I’ve stood as a bridesmaid several times over for my friends who have been married since. Anyone who has been through the wedding planning process can relate that the process is full of self-imposed stress. And that stress has a way of making you forget the stuff that really, really matters about a wedding.
I think for every friend I have ever been a bridesmaid for, there was a moment where the pressure was high and they asked for a reality check. My best advice was always this: The biggest part of the wedding planning is already done. God has provided the man, and praise Him! Because without that piece, the day isn’t happening. Absolutely everything else could fall apart– the dress, the flowers, the food, and the DJ– but if the one that your soul loves is still in, the most important part is covered.
And if I’m being honest, even after that wedding day is long over, that is still true. God provided the man that I have prayed for, pined for, fought for, and covenanted myself to. So when life squeezes– when the dishes are piled to the ceiling, the kids have littered the house in crumbs and toys, I have a raging migraine, and forgot to defrost something for dinner– why is it that the knee-jerk reaction of my heart is to bite my husband’s head off?
Instead of looking for a fight, we can turn to Proverbs 19:13-14. In one verse, we see the effects of being a contentious, quarrelsome wife. It grates on the family. Solomon equates it to “a constant dripping of water.” In some ways, the application is obvious– a combative, pesky wife is can annoy her husband. She can pester and nit-pick to the point where it causes uncomfortability in the home and amongst family members. But we should also consider not only how a leak might be irritating, but also how it erodes. A slow, constant, steady dripping of water wears away and weakens over time. A wife who is a constant, contentious drip can erode the sweetness of the relationship she has been called into covenant to by God.
As wives, we can be a source of great comfort and peace, or of serious grief and discontent. And I believe that sort of erosion can bleed outwards to affect other relationships too, with our children, our friends, and our extended family. Discontentment has a way of seeping into all areas of life if we allow it to take root. We should not take falling into a pattern of contrariness lightly.
The remedy? Turn to the Lord, who convicts us of our shortcomings, who has abounding grace to change our hearts, and who can satisfy our discontentment like nothing and no one else. Christ is the Son of God from which all blessings flow– our husbands, our children, our homes, our peace and joy. Christ is the one who came to be with us, even in our nit-picking, whiny, ill-contented misery. Christ is the one who hung on a cross to purchase the grace necessary to cover all our sin. And He draws us near to be in covenant with Him under that banner of grace.
Christ is the man that was provided as an answer to prayer and a lover to our souls. That’s something that all women can stand in awe of, no matter their marital status: that God sent His Son as the hope of all hope, to save us from our sin and our separation from the Father. Christ is our groom. Would we deem to bite His head off should He walk through the door in the name of overstimulation, tiredness, or discontent?
Or would we throw our arms around His neck and adore Him?
Listen, we all fall short. By no means do these verses mean that we must be perfect or unrealistic in the call to be women, wives, and mothers. We’re not going to get it right all the time. But we must endeavor for the prudence that God delights in. Proverbs 19:14 says, “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a wife who has insight is from Yahweh.”
That means that life’s pleasures of homeownership and financial well-being can be given through the generations, being passed down from parent to child by inheritance. Wealth can be given from person to person. Homes can be given, bought, earned, and passed on. But a prudent, insightful wife? That’s a gift from God. That can’t be bought or earned. A wise woman is a gift that can only be given by God.
Because a wise woman keeps her house industriously and carefully. An insightful woman is an encouragement to her husband and a comfort to her children. A deeply thoughtful and Godly woman is precious to all that know her. And it’s not by her own merit that she is that way. Only God can refine, temper, and bless her with that knowledge and prudence.
They are the marks that she has walked closely with God. That He drew her to Himself and she not only learned by sitting at the Father’s feet, but she applied it and lived by it.
And that is something that doesn’t come through cutting corners or being lax about our faith. That is something that God bestows on a woman who seeks Him, heeds Him, and fears Him. That’s something that any woman can do, and do it today. These verses talk about being contentious versus being prudent from the context of a marriage and the home, but these are things we can walk in even before we enter into those roles of wife and mother.
Because life has a way of clouding our vision and making us forget that Christ has already come. His grace has already been extended to us, and we are made His bride by His finished work on the cross and His victory over death. Our bridegroom has already been provided. The only work for us to do now is to seek Him and mature our faith, allowing Him to give us the wisdom that is necessary to see Him more and more clearly.
