Raising our Kids in the Way

“Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents], even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6, AMP)

When Sam and I first had Piper, she was the classic first child. She adapted to things easily, she slept through the night early on, she was happy, and easy-going. Whenever anyone spent time with her, they’d eventually say with a smirk and a funny expression, “Just wait until the second comes along.”

You see, there’s this long-standing idea that the first child is this peaceful, ideal kid that convinces their parents, “We could totally do this again!” and leaves them totally unprepared for the second.

The joke goes that the second-born child is a much more difficult case of parenting. And yes, I love my Lily girl as much as I love Piper, but her strengths, weaknesses, and disposition is much different than her sister’s. She’s headstrong, persistent, and has a set of lungs like no one else I know. She is adventurous where Piper is more reserved, carefree where Piper is careful, and requires a different approach when it comes to nurturing, raising, and disciplining. 

That’s because it’s true: every child is different. But they all must be trained. They all must be discipled and guided and encouraged. Even me, a young mom, can confirm that. 

In Proverbs 22:6, Solomon gives encouragement to parents, and it goes deeper than just the surface level interpretation of this verse that we know.

“Train up a child”
The Hebrew word seen for “train” is chanac. Train is a fair translation, but other words we might use is initiate, dedicate, or consecrate. Parenting is not just teaching what is good and bad, preparing our kids for adulthood, and hoping for the best. Biblical parenting is dedicating ourselves to the raising of a child that God gave. Yes, that child is your blessing. You brought your baby home from the hospital and have dedicated yourself to bringing that child to maturation. 

But the Biblical idea of this goes a step further. That child is God’s child, given to you. God chose you to be the mother of that child. He sovereignly ordained it and made it to be so, but that child was known and created and loved by God before they were ever born. So in a sense, we should be raising that child as such– like they are on loan from God the Father, put into our care for the diligent teaching and training up in God’s Word and in the faith. This may seem obvious, but it is a good reminder that being a parent is not some ordinary rite of passage; it is a sacred and righteous thing that we should treat with reverence and take seriously.

“In the way he should go.”
This portion of the verse can be taken two ways: first, ‘the way’ refers to the Christian faith. We should instruct our children in the way Solomon is instructing his son throughout the whole book of Proverbs. We should be passing down the wisdom we’ve gleaned by studying God’s Word, had revealed by the Holy Spirit, and gathered through experience. We should be teaching our kids to walk in the ways of righteousness as we walk in the way as well.

But there is a Hebrew take on the turn of phrase seen here that is more specific: Every parent should discern the way God has created their child– their talents, inclinations, their shortcomings, etc– and raise them in a way that is tailored to that. In doing this, the parent then helps their child navigate life in the unique way God created them. We help that child and guide them to discern God’s will for their lives and walk in the way they should go in order to reach that purpose in all wisdom.

Which is a great encouragement in taking care to know each individual child, building a relationship with them and who God made them to be. Because what works for Piper, will more than likely not always work for Lily. They are similar in the fact that they are being raised with the same values and under the same Gospel, but they interact and think differently, they have different strengths and weaknesses, and they need different things. 

God made them both, and gave them both to me and Sam in all wisdom and knowledge that we would lead them in the way they should go, both spiritually and individually.

“Even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
This proverb is not an absolute promise. We are not guaranteed that if we raise our kids just right that they will be saved. If we raise our kids in the way they should go, and that child departs from the ways of righteousness, we should be encouraged that we did absolutely everything we could have done in raising them according to Godly wisdom and Truth. 

The encouragement is that even if a child departs from righteousness, the biblical wisdom from their upbringing will still be engrained in them, and if God wills, it will be all the more easy for that child to return to the faith they were raised in.

In this manner, Godly parenting is something we should do not just because it is what we are called to do by God as mothers, but because the truth a child is given by their parents is not likely to depart from them, even if they should wander away. If as parents, we want to give our kids a better shot at a more grace-filled life, the best thing we can do is give them as much biblical insight as we can, while we are their biggest influence.

This should give us even more reason to know our Bibles. The more we study and hide in our hearts, the more we can equip not just ourselves, but our kids. The more we understand, the better we can train them, and that sort of knowledge has generational value. 

It’s never too late or too early to start. If you do have kids, and find yourself lacking in Godly wisdom, start reading your Word. Start studying. Start picking it apart and searching out what it means. Begin to establish a family worship, where you all sing, pray, read, and discuss together. Make it so all learning-levels are reached and encouraged. 

And if you eagerly await the day that you will be called a mom, then start now believing that God will make a way for those children to be a reality one day. Gain insight into God’s way now, so you can help your children walk obediently according to God’s will one day. Be sure of how you would dedicate your time in teaching them, so when they are here, you can plunge forward in this important and divine job of passing your faith on to the precious lives God has set aside for you to be a mommy to.