The Toll Gossip Takes

“He who goes about as a gossip reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy and faithful keeps a matter hidden.” (Proverbs 11:13, AMP)

“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life and his words of wisdom are a source of blessing, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence and evil.” Proverbs 10:11, AMP)

“Don’t be a yente.” 

That’s how my mother would scold me when I was a child and being meddlesome or a busybody. It was always a funny word that made me giggle, but the rebuke was there even if it was made in jest. ‘Yente’ is a yiddish word for a gossiper, which from what I can tell, became a more popular term from the play Fiddler on the Roof, the actual name of the matchmaker in the show that arranges the marriages for their small, Jewish village in Ukraine. 

This should give you a better picture if you’re unfamiliar with the term: a yente is a meddling gossip, a known busybody, or a tale-bearer. She always has a story and always has the latest word on who’s who and what’s what.

When we’re kids and teenagers, gossip seems harmless and even fun. “Did you hear about what Tommy said to Sally?” “Have you heard what happened to Billy last weekend?” 

When we get older, the higher the stakes get. “Did you hear? Tommy and Sally are getting a divorce.” “Have you heard? Billy was fired for stealing from the company.”

Gossip blooms anywhere you allow it to: the office, the home, the mom group that meets in the park, online, and yes, even the church. But the Bible warns us against it. Why? Because gossip has ramifications that extend far beyond the water cooler. Sharing secrets, spreading stories, slander, and passing judgment hurts not only the subject of the gossip, but it defiles those initiating and engaging in the conversation.

Gossip speaks to our own character. In Proverbs 11:13, it says “a gossip reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy and faithful keeps a matter hidden.” What this says to us is that the character of the person that abstains from gossip is a trustworthy and faithful person. Their choice to not be around the conversation reveals something about their character. Their ability to keep a matter hidden doesn’t mean that they’re lying by omission or trying to keep hidden what should be brought to light, but it means that they have the discernment to keep something confidential that is not supposed to be common knowledge. The faithful Christian knows that their words can either be a fountain of life or a source of evil. And sometimes, not engaging in chitchat and hearsay can be a blessing not only to ourselves, but to those who are the subject matter of such conversations.

Gossip creates division. It makes problems where there might not have been any. “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends" (Proverbs 16:28). The result of gossip is strife and separation. God is glorified in unity and longsuffering with one another. Therefore, gossip flies in the very face of God and what He is honored by. 

“These six things the Lord hates; Indeed, seven are repulsive to Him… A false witness who breathes out lies [even half-truths], and one who spreads discord (rumors) among brothers” (Proverbs 6:16,19) God hates people who give even half-truths and who spread rumors that create discord amongst others. He is grieved by our gossip, and so we should be careful to also be grieved enough when we overhear gossip to try and put an end to it– or to stay far away from it at the very least.

Close friendships are lost over gossip and the division it causes. It colors other people’s opinion of others and puts enmity between groups that have no issue with one another otherwise. All of these things God hates, and thus, it bears no worthwhile spiritual fruit. 

Gossip defiles our hearts. We know that whatever we speak about reveals the condition of our hearts. We’ve spoken about this before (Matthew 15:18-20, Luke 6:45, Proverbs 4:20-24). God has given us so many ways to communicate, especially in this day and age. We have spoken word, written word, email, text, social media– you name it, we have it at our disposal. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that God speaks to our need to tame our tongues so many times over in the Bible. If it weren’t important, He wouldn’t give us so many reminders to discipline ourselves in this area.

James 1:26 has a sobering reminder for us: “"If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless."

All our theology, all our doxology, all our good work and religious effort is deemed worthless if we cannot tame our speech. We could be knowledgeable, have a religious resumé a mile long, and be known in our community as generous and wonderful, but if we are gossiping, meddling, or blabbering, we do not honor God with our lives. 

Suddenly, such a small and seemingly insignificant way to blow of some steam with friends is not so small or meaningless. Through the lens of Christ, it’s pretty significant and poisonous to our hearts, faiths, and witness among others. 

So how do we change? Solomon also gives us a clue: “The wise in heart [are willing to learn so they] will accept and obey commands (instruction), but the babbling fool [who is arrogant and thinks himself wise] will come to ruin” (Proverbs 10:8). Our gossiping cheapens us down to a babbling fool, but the wise in heart are willing to be taught. They listen to instruction. They are willing to learn, be convicted, confess their sin, and turn away from it.

It’s okay to admit if we fall short in this area. It’s okay to realize, “Wow, I talk with co-workers and friends entirely too much about things that don’t concern me.” The God-honoring wisdom is found when we are humble enough to realize we have failed and then use that conviction to change our habits.

Maybe you can make it a policy with yourself to not talk about people who aren’t in the room. That’s a good way to ensure you don’t veer off into yente-land. Maybe you excuse yourself from the conversation when you feel that little voice in your head urging you to stop. Go to the bathroom, the break room, or redirect the dialogue to another topic. Or maybe, you need to leave yourself a sticky note with my mother’s old line, “Don’t be a yente!” so that you can be reminded that you’re trying to change your habit.

Let’s start bridling our tongues in a deeper way than simply cleaning up our language or crudeness of our speech. Dive deeper. Start looking at the content of what you talk about and the people you discuss it with. The tongue needs far more taming than just uncouth words, and our very faith can live or die by how we use it.