Growing up, I know I truly found myself in Christ, but I could never get away from feeling extremely unworthy. This has been my struggle my whole life. Though my relationship with God has been strong, there are so many times I have found myself trying to find my worth in something other than my Savior.

I remember stepping out to center stage in my high school auditorium, lights in my eyes, and every chair empty but three. I was a bright-eyed freshman who wanted nothing more than to make the student-run spring musical. I thought it was a big deal because, unlike the faculty-supervised winter musical, not everyone that auditioned made it. Only the best made that coveted cast list, and I had been practicing for days to make sure that my name was on it, no matter the part.

At the start of a new year, we tend to think that we should be living amazing lives. If you are, that’s great! If you aren’t, I want to first tell you that it’s okay, but I also want to challenge you with a question: What are you measuring your success by?

Prayer is my jam this week. Why? I was challenged by a new friend to take part in a seven-day prayer challenge, designed to deepen and enrich prayer life by focusing it past all the requests and drivel that tends to bog down our time with God. Over the past few days, changing and repurposing certain details of my prayer time has reignited my desire to share my heart and time with Jesus.

In this season of New Years we are all seeking and expecting some sort of change. As a society we are eager for results and satisfaction. We see a common trend of people pursuing the change they want right after the turn of the new year and putting all sorts of work in, but than more often than not, most give up or their desire fades out.

Millennials, we’ve all heard it before: in a world of constant connection, we’re disconnected, we’re transient, and we’re disjointed. And those that are looking to hurl the first stone resoundingly blame technology. But here’s the thing, it’s not just millennials. The struggle to connect seems to be the common theme for all of us. Trust me, I get it. There’s not a day that goes by that I can avoid the newsfeeds; especially when most of my young career has centered around social media and new tactics to be seen in a world of endless content.

Most of the time, just by first glance we think that we have someone all figured out. In our own minds, we convince ourselves that we are intelligent enough to see right through a person even when we know so little about them. When we do that, we often miss out on a great opportunity to challenge ourselves or experience a great friendship. I think we can all pinpoint one person in our lives that we thought we had all figured at first, but once we got to know them, they were completely different than we thought. This is what the people of Jesus’ day and age did from the day he was born to the day they thought they silenced Him for good. Unfortunately, due to the pride, judgement, and pettiness of people, they never got to develop a relationship with Jesus that would have satisfied and changed them forever.

When I was younger, my church always put on these big, elaborate Christmas plays that always required all hands on deck– or maybe more appropriately, all hands on altar. The Christmas cantata took many forms over the years, telling the same Christmas story through so many different perspectives: from the fictional viewpoint of the Little Drummer Boy or a modern-day family to the real, relatable accounts of those core roles we know and love.

I am sitting down writing this devotional in Starbucks with a grande coffee next to me and an overwhelming to-do list bouncing around in my brain. Yet, in the midst of all my unchecked tasks, my mind longs for is some much-needed rest. If you know me you know I love my sleep, so when I say I am longing for “rest,” I am talking about 12 hours of deep sleep. I have gotten to the point in my life where I am used to the fast pace world we live in, and I can tell you honestly, I am not a fan. It feels as if is there not enough silence to rest and hear the Lord.

Step into Mary’s shoes for just a moment. She recently heard from an angel that she was chosen out of all women to give birth to Jesus, the One the prophets and scriptures spoke about, the One her nation has waited for since its very beginning. Yet ever since this wonderful and mind-boggling news was shared with her, it was the source of a few stressful predicaments. Her husband-to-be pulled away from her emotionally, despite her promises that she was still a virgin.

We all wonder about the future. Whether that be what you’re going to eat in thirty minutes, the extensive amount of things you have to do tomorrow, or where your life will be in ten years. There are numerous questions that linger in our heads left unanswered, and sometimes it feels as if we have to actively do something to get these answers. It can so easily feel like we are doing something wrong.

July 4, 2015, is a day that will forever be impressed upon my memory. Ironically, on the biggest holiday for our nation, I boarded a plane and left everything and everyone I’d ever known behind to live in Cape Town, South Africa. While I had always dreamed of going to that breathtaking city– and it had taken a year of planning to get there– I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I had actually made it. It was only after the automatic doors opened and I stepped out of the airport, that I realized exactly what was actually happening. There I was, exhausted and desperate for a shower after an entire 24 hours of travel, when I was greeted by the three, beautiful mountains that make up Cape Town’s city skyline; three mountains that would very quickly become the familiar backdrop to one of the biggest adventures I’ve ever had.

We cannot hide from God whatsoever. To some people, this is a beautiful thing, and to others, it’s a scary thing. To me and where I am in my walk now, it's so beautiful, but I understand from my own past experience why others would find it scary. God sees everything you do and everything you're going through before you even encounter it. He is at your right hand not to condemn you, but to guide you. When we aren’t doing the right things, we tend to view Him like a father who is going to be ashamed of us.

I was on my way to the pharmacy when the walls started to close in. At first, I ignored it. I live about three minutes away from my destination. I thought I could hold the line against the hurricane that was beginning to spin inside my mind. But that’s the thing: anxiety waits for no one. I was a newly-minted college grad, stuck in a career that brought me no joy, and I had no idea how to tell anyone that I felt lost. I didn’t want to be the floundering girl that couldn’t adjust to adult life. I didn’t want people to see that I was miserable most of the time.

We live in a society that defines importance and value by what we see on the outside. We are extremely materialistic, and we always want what we don’t have. We want name brands, attention and praise from people, the best body, and the nicest clothes. We think that when we achieve our “dream life” that we will be eternally happy. We think that if we could just lose that extra weight, life will be so much better; or if we were dating someone we will feel better about ourselves, but the truth is that we are falling for a big fat lie.

Have you ever read something in the Bible a hundred times and disregarded it as an insignificant detail? I can guarantee you have at some point or another and not even noticed you were doing it. Recently, I realized I was glossing over a Biblical detail that I thought was just an antiquated practice. You know what I mean; one of those “Bible things” that we just don’t do anymore because we have more sophisticated technology or cultures have changed and that little detail isn’t applicable anymore.