Modern Psalms: An Outcry

My God,

In this stagnant season in my life where it feels you are stripping me of everything I know, I will look to You as my only strength. As I am struggling to understand many things, I won’t lose faith in the fact that you are my number one supporter. You are the mediator between myself and my emotions and You comfort me in every battle, big and small. I look to You because my eyes don't even dare to wander anywhere else. Your beauty is too beautiful and vast for me; I am so overwhelmed. I am longing for Your presence and Your guidance. I am giving You all I have, longing for all that You are. So God, this is me. This is where I’m at, and even though I feel like I am growing, sometimes I feel like I

am asking the same questions of You and praying about the same things constantly. Am I doing something wrong? Am I really growing? Because God, sometimes I look at the people around me and I’m convinced they have it all together compared to me. Am I doing something wrong or am I just letting the enemy take hold of my thoughts? All I know is that in this very moment I may be in the dark about where my life is going and what the next step is, but I know who You are, and from what I know that is enough. Jesus, if there are lies and circumstances clouding my vision, cast them out so I can solely focus on You and not myself. Because if I have my eyes on my problems and on my anxieties, am I really, truly trusting in the fact that You have them handled? Isaiah 43:1-3 (NIV) says ‘“But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place." God, let this be the truth of my heart. The amount of mountains You have moved in my life and times You have come to my defense are countless, and yet I still manage to take Your power and love for me for granted. I am here standing in all my anxiety and heartache and I still continue to think I can possibly do things to make something better, when I should just be answering Your call. Peter may have denied you three times, but I know I have denied you many more. As I am walking in this fire and barely swimming through these deep waters, Your grace is more than sufficient and sometimes, I even fail to see that. How can I be blind to the fact that You continue to rescue me each and everyday? People and situations can do a good job at hurting us but You are the ultimate doctor. You nurse our wounds with Your love and fill our minds with Your thoughts of purity and truth. God, examine my thoughts and invade them, examine my emotions and inform them, nurse my wounds, and bring me to my best potential. I am ready to not only be all in for You as I have been striving to be, but I’m ready to give You full reign in my thoughts and my heart, i'm ready to see You do what needs to be done. In the moments like these where I have found myself trying to do it on my own, I realize even more how incapable I am and how desperately I need You. I'm not going to look back, God, not even to yesterday. I am giving You all my confusion, happiness, anxiety, laughter– it is all Yours. The future You have for me outweighs my past, and even if I haven't been completely chained to the world, there are still many parts of my life I have yet to let You set free, and I can hear You telling me its time. Psalm 118:14-17 (NIV) says ‘The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: “The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things! The Lord’s right hand is lifted high; the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!” I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.’ Because of You, God, I will not die. I will not lose. This has become my story and forever will be. You are my strength and defense and I am praying today that I never forget that. You have literally saved me. Because of You, Jesus, I have been given the precious gift of an eternity with You. You are always at my right, hand lifting me up and bringing me to new realizations. I am more blessed than I can ever begin to understand, I am more loved than I will ever know and as I am going through this thing called life I will not compare myself to others' progress and constantly look to you in all times. God, I long for You to mold me into all that I can be through You. I want to be 100% filled in each and every area of my life, the areas that are empty and ones that are already full. I am realizing even more that the trials of this world are real but You are so much bigger. You are my ultimate hope and firmest foundation. You are my clarity! I am on my knees crying out for everything You are and realizing everything I’m not, ready to see You continue to amaze me. There is no greater love than the love You lavish on me. I love You. In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen

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