Modern Psalm: Learning to Trust
“O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them. You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings. Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand— you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings. Then I said, “Look, I have come. As is written about me in the Scriptures: I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart.” I have told all your people about your justice. I have not been afraid to speak out, as you, O Lord, well know. I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power. I have told everyone in the great assembly of your unfailing love and faithfulness.” (Psalm 4:5-10, NLT)
I pray that you would give me a heart like this. A heart that is in awe of you at all times, that tells everyone of your love and mercy, and that is continually trusting in you. God, you are magnificent, but I am so broken. I am scared and I feel helpless. I cannot bring myself to this place of wanting to trust you anymore. Wherever I look, everything around me feels like it’s falling apart. God, I know you have a purpose in everything you do, but can I tell you how frustrated and helpless I feel right now?
Lord, I feel like I am standing in a room where all the walls are blank and there are no doors to be found. I feel completely isolated from whatever you are trying to do in my life and the hard truth is, I put myself in this room. By slowly failing to trust you, I have grown farther away from you– experiencing spiritual struggle and all that comes with it by myself.
But you are so unquestionably faithful and you never fail to come after me; no matter how well I think I hid from you or how much I lie to myself and say I do not want your help. You know my heart, and you always want it no matter how shambled it is. You saw me in this emotional room– alone, isolated and hopeless– and you sent your people in to rescue me. You sent in my friends and my family and made me myself once again. Each day, you are slowly taking away my anxieties and each day I’m falling more and more in love with you.
I know I can trust you because you have never once failed me, but I am still struggling to trust you with my whole heart. There are so many things I want to know and so many things I want to be in control of. The fact of the matter is, I am scared of what your plan really is. I know everything you do is for my good, but God, I do not want to experience anymore heartache. I just want to be on cloud nine with you and get out of this season of trial after trial. I am tired. I just want to live and experience your joy.
I know that the only way I can get to this place is by truly trusting in you– by handing over all these emotions that have no place in our story together. Show me to trust. Take my eyes off my worries, failures, and misconceptions, and draw my eyes to you and all your beauty. I know you are holding me close to you, Lord, and I pray that I would just rest in that closeness and nothing else.
As in our key verse today, I pray that I would live my life solely to share you with everyone I encounter and be bursting with your grace and goodness all my days. I know you are discipling me and building me into a better version of myself each and every day, and I will begin to trust you more and more through this process.
I'm ready to conquer every trial with you by my side and learn to trust you more.
Thank you for all you have done for me and continue to do, Lord. Your beauty and willingness to love me is magnificent and I am so unbelievably unworthy. Today, I give you my everything in this process of learning to trust you. I will trust in your wisdom and counsel all the days of my life, knowing you will never fail me.
In the precious Name of Jesus, Amen.